Web Log ("Blog")

I'm about to be self-indulgent but this is my retro blog so you will have to tolerate it. Sorry in advance.

I was putting away my winter wardrobe and bringing out my spring clothes, and I found this chunky ronin necklace. It was a gift from a couple of ex-friends who I've fallen out with along the way. For a while in the past I used to call myself the "Posts Ronin", and terrorised my posting foes on forums and social media sites across the internet. While it was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek to some extent as always I committed to the bit and found myself locked to my social media feed for hours a day. It was maybe a reaction to extreme stress and perceived powerlessness in my real life and it got me through, though at some cost to my sanity.

Anyway I wound up in a better place and didn't need any of that any more, so I dropped it. Shedding dramatic personae like that made me feel much less interesting somehow - it's weird being (more) normal, and instead of retreating into some weird fantasy I sort of have to take responsibility for myself. There's a thing you can do in Disco Elysium where you give up alcohol and drugs after a huge struggle and just wind up .. normal. There's no real benefit to it IIRC (probably a penalty even) but at least Harry is on the road to recovery.

I still like samurai films, and the Hagakure remains one of my favourite books (though for different reasons), and I still sometimes wear my odd yellow samurai trench coat around... but it's just me in there, not the ronin. I don't think I need the necklace and I don't need the people who gave it me, but instead of putting it away with shame like I did in the winter it's hanging in my room because even though it's not really "me" anymore it's still shiny and kinda fun.

A few years ago I was running out of money so I dropped my gamebook website. It was immediately taken over by some sleazy gambling site which had been squatting on it ever since. Anyway, they lost interest and their registration lapsed, so I bought it back! Two-Fisted Fantasy is finally mine again! I'll update (down-date) that site to be more lo-fi by and by and hopefully will be able to list a new book on there sooner rather than later.

I started to feel a little better but it's time to fix things in my life. I started by taking down nearly all of my itch games - they were pretty ok but very personal, and I'm a different person now living a totally different life. Clearing that space means I feel like I have some room to make something new - and hopefully a bit less gruelling and depressing. So check back from time to time (also I'll post about it here if I do actually make something). If you had access to those games already (if you got them in a bundle or whatever) they're still there for you but if you didn't, you're not really missing out on much.

I've started writing a gamebook (very slowly) - just a silly fantasy thing about a gelatinous cube which hopefully won't take over my whole life. And in the longer term I'm planning to work on a game with Charlie Twitch (this will also be a silly fantasy thing, but about a skeleton).

I am also planning to make a bit more time for my hobbies - I've been messing with my bass again, and I'm gradually starting to learn Japanese again. My partner has offered to come to sword fighting with me so I can get back into it without feeling too awkward. I've booked a trip back to Australia in a few months to see some of my friends as well. In general clearing up, letting go and trying to make room for things that make me happy. Hopefully it all works!

2026 is only a couple of weeks old and I'm exhausted. I think it's the short grey days and the cold, which is getting to me more than usual even though I'm pretty sure it's warmer than normal this year. I picked up a hula hoop so I can at least exercise indoors, and while I haven't really been painting (or playing) my Warhammers much, I'm trying to do a little more art when I get some time between work.
I bought a cheap pot of black India Ink, the same brand as I had as a little kid with somehow the same art on the box, a cool spider with a top hat, and some cheap brushes, and I've been trying out painting little cartoony portraits with it.
Here are a couple:

The second one is meant to be me. I'm aware I don't really look much like that.
Truth be told my mental health hasn't been great since early this month, I feel a bit gross about myself and my choices and a bit down on life, and I haven't really been looking after myself much what with not exercising or getting my hair cut or really wearing makeup or nice clothes at all. My partner thinks I should see a therapist. I probably should. Well thanks for stopping by! I will try to be more cheerful next time. I'm taking every second friday off work so hopefully that'll give me some more time to chill out and draw or do things that make me happier.

Hi and welcome to my new blog. I quit social media in 2025 which is one of the better decisions I've made so I'm making this outlet for myself which no one will read but that's the same as any other blog. Mostly it's been a good year for ol' Sammy. I made this website, got a promotion at work and lost some weight. I started collecting some warhammers but I haven't painted most of them yet.
My resolutions for 2026 are to keep trying to get in shape - I ran and swam a bit this year but I'd like to do some regular sport or join a gym or something. Gotta paint some of these miniatures so I can play at least 1 (one) game of 40k. And maybe I'll try to reach out to people more (outside of social media of course). I'd also like to pick up drawing again. I've already started but I would like to be making stuff more regularly, even if it's just for me.